@jwday wrote:"USB cable is USB cable". That's what I figured, but it hasn't been working on my desktop. Just tested it using my laptop and it works like a charm. So the issue isn't the USB cable, but instead it's something about my desktop itself.
Using Windows 8.0, EOS Utility v. 2.14.1, already ran update from Canon website.
*Edit*
Hmm...after browsing through the files on the desktop, I found a folder labeled "EU2", and saw a file in there labeled "EOS Utility 2" and ran that. It completely bypassed the EOS Utility Launcher and put me on the utility screen for Control Camera and Accessories. And when I turn my camera on....voila! Works like a charm. But what's going on? Why are there two separate exes? I'm so confused...
There are now two versions of the EOS Utility: 2 and 3. Version 3 (released in June) runs only on 64-bit OSes and supports only Canon's full-frame cameras. But if you actually try to use Version 3 with, say, a 7D, it does work, telling you, IIRC, that you're using Version 2. Evidently Version 3 has an overall shell that looks at your camera and brings up Version 2 if it (the camera) isn't natively supported by Version 3.
2.14.1 (dated July 14) is the latest release of Version 2. It's probably the one used by Version 3 to handle non-FF cameras. The name "EU2" of the executable module probably differentiates it from a parallel module ("EU3"?) used by Version 3 on FF cameras. There may even be an overall shell that looks at your camera and "decides" to call the EU2 module just as Version 3 does.
Moreover, since the shell (if I'm right) is what looks at the camera, it's likely the cause of your problem. For whatever reason, it doesn't recognize your camera as one that can use EU2, so it doesn't call it. But that's presumably a bug in the code; so when you bypassed the shell, everything worked as intended.
Just a guess, but I'll stand by it until somebody comes up with a better one. 
